Sometimes you just have to go with it.

So I've more or less settled down into a routine now, it being over a month into school and all. My roommate moved out-- it feels like there's a trend here -___- I swear I'm gonna start getting paranoid here soon-- and my other two roommates hardly ever come out of their room. But whatever. They're nice girls, but sometimes...ughh. Messy messy messy!!

I'm doing a hell of a lot better with coping and dealing with stress than I was last spring, due in part to my having switched medications :) Yay! I feel like a completely different person now. I'm doing my best to toss out old emotional baggage that's been wearing me down for who knows how long, and I think I'm better for it. Building my confidence back up, well, I'm working on it :P It's a process, and we'll see how it goes. Also, I'm setting goals for myself, and while I haven't made them quite yet, I'm gonna do what I can to reach them.

Lately, though, I sometimes get that old pang in my chest where it feels like I'm isolated from everything (not helped by the fact that I have a room by myself and I never see my other roommates >< ), and I hate that fact. I've made friends on campus, so why do I still feel this way? Heck if I know; I just want to find a method of making it go away for good. At the same time, though, I need to realize that time alone isn't necessarily a bad thing, being an introvert who can't socialize well and all :P but having friends is a wonderful thing, too-- even if several of them are going to be or currently are out of the COUNTRY... *mutter mutter*

I've finally gotten my writing (and drawing! :O ) back on track, which I'm very excited about. My current writing project is called 'The Jade Pendant,' and I've been working on it (or have at least had the idea) since about seventh or eighth grade. Hopefully it gets somewhere, unlike all of my other writing, hahaha~. I swear I'll get them all written one of these days ;)

Lastly, I want to add that I just started using Netflix two or so months ago, and it is fantastic. Oh, and eBay is far too addictive to handle in more than the most miniscule doses. ^^; eh heh. Nothing much else to say, but if there is I will hopefully write about it and not completely forget that I have thing this. Later~!

It's been a while. There's a bit of a rant to follow.

Things have been...insane. Seriously. So much crap has been happening since last I wrote, what, two months ago? O_o I dunno why I all of the sudden just stopped updating, buuuut I decided that I ought to get back in the swing of things. That and, uh, I don't really want to put stuff away right now (because it will just make me angrier about my roommates' idiocy and complete...obliviousness is the only word I can think to describe it).

So I'm back at school, have been for two weeks, going on three now. It's Labo(u)r Day, though, so I don't have class today :P woot? I dunno. I'd honestly rather be in class because it gets me out of this stupid apartment. I'm just frustrated with the complete feeling of isolation-- my roommate is almost never here, and my suitemates hardly ever come out of their room. That, and they apparently can't CLEAN UP after themselves, and they've moved the dishes and crap around TWICE now (and the first time lied about it when I asked them about it...). It's not so much that I mind, I just wish they'd ask everyone, or let everyone know, or somehow include all of us so that it doesn't just come out of nowhere. As well, they may not know how to use the dishwasher, because I came back from the weekend at home to find that it hasn't been run since I left-- I know, because the dishes in there are exactly the ones I put in before I went home. Just because I (and my roommate, in theory at least) am on dishwasher detail this month doesn't mean I'm the only one who can run the dishwasher!!! Ugh! I'm sick and tired of it, and it's only been two weeks. I want to find a way to talk about this with them, but I don't want to sound like a nagging bitch at the same time. >< So frustrating.

LATER: I cleaned a bit (err, a lot), and I feel better. :P Now to get to my homework, and hopefully keep the resolutions of a) staying organized, b) exercising daily, and c) eating better and remembering to eat. Also, resolution to be happier and not worry so much. ^_^ I'm-a workin' on that, haha~. Aaaaaaand to update this blog more often. Come to think of it, I have quite a few resolutions. Hrm...

Recent Happenings

I had my nineteenth birthday last Thursday. It passed by with little consequence, except that it is the beginning of the end for my teenage years. It's kinda weird to think about, really. But regardless, it wasn't too bad (even though I had to work ><).

For the past two weeks, I've been obsessed with Alien, Terminator, and to a lesser extent Predator. My friend Jess and her fiancee Andy let me borrow a ton of A/T/P movies and EU books, and I have been enjoying them greatly. In fact, it ripped me quite suddenly from my vampire/werewolf kick and threw me into a non-space opera sci-fi kick. :D

I'm still writing well *knock on wood* and ideas are flowing through my brain like water. I love this feeling, and I hope I can continue this for the rest of my life. If I keep this up, I may have enough story ideas in the next few years to fill hundreds of books and short stories and such like. I won't need to come up with anything else, because I'll have an all-you-can-write buffet :P Eh heh. In any case, I feel so wonderful going back to my roots (sci-fi). This is what I know the best.

School is starting up in about a month and a half. I'm not too upset, though; I'm actually ready to go back, believe it or not. What I'm kinda upset about is that I may not get the kind of room I want in the dorms. Last year I had a 4 person 2 bedroom apartment (aka a double). This year, I want to try and get into a single (a 4 person 4 bedroom apartment), because last year there was much frustration due to sleeping/working/etc. roommates. Also, I can listen to my music at night and actually turn the damn lights on in the bathroom to get ready in the mornings. >< But there's gonna be a waiting list first day of classes that I can sign up to switch rooms. Hopefully that works out...

Work's been going pretty well-- as much as can be expected, anyway. It's boring at times, frustrating at others, but it's the best I'm gonna get for a summer job. 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, no nights, no weekends, $8/hour...I really shouldn't complain (but I do anyway :P ).O well.

Screaming is a therapy

Or ranting, at least. I am so close to the end, and I need OUT. I am so close to the end, and yet it is just dragging out so much that I want to go home now, screw everything else, and just curl up in bed and wait for it to blow over.
But then, I have two damn days left, and surprisingly still have work left to do T_T I really, really hope next semester isn't like this. I don't remember my finals week being this bad in fall semester, but then again, finals weren't separated by a freakin' weekend. If I'd had finals on Monday last week, I'd be DONE with school already. Mostly. Sorta. More or less. Guh.
Next week I'm gonna have to also go check on the job I'm hoping to get at my former daycare. I applied during spring break, but I haven't heard back from the owner yet, and I told her I could start on May 11th. *sigh* Maybe I'll hear something early next week, and I won't have to go through the trouble or actually going over there and asking her if she's going to need me this summer. Also, I don't want to have to go out and find another job. -.-
Oh, and another thing: I am kinda pissed about my stupid writing class. I love it so much, but still-- I thought I was done worrying! I am seriously afraid of getting a bad grade in that class! I think I'm pretty safe in Math, Honors, and Psychology, but Astronomy I'm not too sure, and ironically enough it's Writing that is my other main concern. T_T If only my semester hadn't been so screwed up because of my own stupid issues, maybe this wouldn't be so much the case. Ugh. Oh, well, I'm hopeful that, if my revised drafts are good enough, I might be able to pull out a decent grade (aka an A or B), and not fail (aka C or lower). *sigh* I really want to know my grades, and yet I kinda don't. We'll find out in a week from tomorrow, I guess...

Blowing off steam and wool-gathering

So this week has been highly stressful. It's not going to get much better, sadly, because it's almost the end of the semester and I have so much to do! Papers, essays, and all sorts of things that I just can't seem to handle. I want a day off just to breathe, but there's no time for even that. Once it gets to the end I'm just going to COLLAPSE and take a weekend to recover. Part of the problem seems to stem from the fact that my medication doesn't seem to be working very much anymore, and that's really, really bad. Thankfully, though, I have a doctor's appointment in a week or two, so I can talk to him about switching my meds.

Something else that's been bothering me is BOYS. I've been seeing this guy Wes since last August, and things are going well enough as can be expected with a semi-long-distance "relationship." However, I've been apparently catching the eye of quite a few other guys here at school, who all happen to be geeks (which doesn't bother me, seeing as I'm a geek too), and who all are really cool guys...as friends. It's just saddening and confusing, when these other guys seem to all be wanting me but the only one I want is constantly frustrating me and I don't know where I stand with him. I must just be a glutton for punishment or something, because I don't see why I keep doing this to myself. It's the same sort of thing with my last boyfriend, Andy-- where we were great together, but didn't see each other all that often (but unlike with Wes, Andy and I hardly got to talk at ALL due to his work situation, where as Wes and I have a fairly regular communication system), but I latched myself to him because I wanted the relationship to work and wouldn't consider other guys.
I'm the type of chick who can't date a bunch of guys. I have to find ONE guy who I can have a long-term relationship with, and finding someone like that doesn't happen often for me. I have slight infatuations rather often, but I only find "that" guy every once in a while, which is why I haven't had many boyfriends. I want that with Wes, but as we're in relationship limbo I don't know what to do. I need to talk to him about it all but it's a terrible time to do so what with finals and all coming up, so...I'm kinda stuck. (Dammit.)

All right, that's my rant for today. I'm gonna take some time off for the afternoon before I get some cleaning done tonight. Later~!