I swear I'm actually studying! Really!

Just because I'm watching the History Channel doesn't mean I'm not studying! I mean, there's this programme about stellar astronomy, and I'm reviewing a lot of my Astronomy notes by watching it. ^_^ Heh. It's really awesome when you can watch a TV special and actually know what they're talking about beforehand.

Here's an interesting story: A long time ago, when I was a kid, I had some friends that were the kids of my mum's (now former) best friend, named Josh and Jeremy. Now, when our mums lost touch, I didn't hear from them in, oh, maybe twelve years (and that's a generous estimate). Recently, though, my dad sent me a link through Facebook about Josh-- he's now a video game composer! I found his Twitter, started following him, and he actually REMEMBERS me! O_o Isn't that crazy? He also found me on Facebook, which is really cool. XD Things like that are really neat, when you can find people you used to know through the internet. Personally I think this is what the internet should be used for...but if you aren't careful, you find the cesspools of teh intarwebz such as 4chan and crap like that. Crap is being quite, quite generous when describing that....*shudders* place. I refuse to set a digital foot there. XP

Okay, yeah, the Pearl Harbor attack was bad and all, but seriously, which was worse: that, or the TWO ATOMIC BOMBS that WE dropped on JAPAN?? Not to mention that they aren't allowed a standing army, when Germany is? Hrm. Now, don't think I'm trying to defend the attack, but it just pisses me off. Everyone was in the wrong during that war. Even the Americans. I hate WWII with a passion. It's why I avoid that topic like the plague whenever I research history. Ughh. I know WAY too much about it. I mean, hell, I did a 10-page paper on Japanese militarism in sophomore year of high school. I stop liking Japanese history after the Meiji era, personally. Honestly, I just avoid modern history in general, now that I think about it, and American history as much as I can. I took AP American History, but I greatly disliked it. Ironically, I actually lied the Great Depression era of American history the most. XP Pre-Atomic Age US history and post-WWI history America is my favorite (tho' I must say my two favorite presidents, the Roosevelts, are both outside that era...haha).

Sometimes I kinda wish the History Channel would focus outside of the World Wars and European/North American history. Give me some stuff about the Chinese emperors, or the African continent prior to the disasporic slave trades! I love the stuff about the Mongols, because it's not European. At least the History Channel is getting this stuff quite accurate, which makes me happy. Okay, now I'm off my soapbox. ^^

Stole this idea from my sister...

It's this thing called 'Friday Fill-ins,' and I thought I'd give it a whirl (even though it's technically half an hour into Saturday...so what? XP )


1. Why do we have to go so long between winter break and spring break in college?

2. Checking Twitter and Facebook every five minutes while studying are now habits.

3. I have a conference this next weekend in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and the name of that town makes me giggle. A lot.

4. I had never heard the phrase "FML" and it stands for 'fuck my life'. Very handy as a college student.

5. This year, I refuse to have an end of the school breakdown the way I always do.

6. How was I to know that I'd have a hard time keeping up with a daily routine in college?

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to SLEEPING!, tomorrow my plans include working on my novel and Sunday, I want to relax, fix up my iTunes library, and play NeverWinter Nights!

Because Blogger hates me.

If you've been wondering where I've been for almost a week, it's been due to my EXTREME stress these past few days. I've had so much work to do for classes, not to mention emotional issues still needing the kinks worked out, and therefore haven't had much time to do a whole hell of a lot else. I haven't even played D&D in weeks!! (I miss it so much *tear*)

There is one thing I've had time for, and that's playing Pokemon (still). I'm about 13 hours into Emerald, and it's really making me want to buy a DS Lite so's I can play on my own systems and not have to borrow from my roommate. Birthday present, perhaps...? XD

Random: My kitty is absolutely adorable. ^_^ She's been missing me a lot lately from what my parents tell me, and Mum says she hasn't been eating so well... *sadness* I don't want my kitty to waste away!! But she is almost fourteen years old, so...yeah...

One last thing-- I hate Kentucky/Southern Indiana weather. I hate it. Fuck you, Ohio Valley! You knock me down, over and over, and hit me around with allergies all year round! But I must be crazy, since I could have gone ANYWHERE for college, and where did I decide to go?? A college in fucking New Albany. And where do I want to go for grad school?? A college in Louisville. I must be insane. -___- Sheesh.

Here's how it is....

Things haven't been so wonderful for Bree and me lately-- we both had a pretty shitty week, not gonna lie. But while our weekends both started out great, hers continued to be pretty awesome (at least I think so?) and mine went down and flatlined. Haha. So what did I do for the Valentine's Day? I hung around my parents' house for a while, then came back to school and played Pokemon. Then while my roommate went out on a date, I went....grocery shopping. Fun times!!! (or...not.) Anyways, today I'm feeling kinda crappy, and I have an Astronomy test tomorrow, and homework to do, and... *sigh* I just have no desire to do anything right now. I also have this Lodge Council meeting tonight at 6:30, and Game Night that I'm probably supposed to be hosting after that...and I really don't want to go. I wish I could just get sick so I would have an excuse not to-- I'm not gonna fake it (as much as I'd love to do just that!)...


LATER: No need for pretending...looks like I might actually be getting sick. -_- Not so fun. But I must keep going, for justice! And the sake of my grades...and my sanity...here's to Advil and stuff. Yeah. I'm off for now.

So I've been playing some fighting games today...

Heh, not exactly fighting games, but um...well, it's a pretty popular game, you might have heard of it....

Okay, yeah, I've been playing Pokemon all week.
...
Don't laugh at me! It's fun...! My roommate Bree is letting me borrow her GameBoy Micro so's I can play Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire, and Emerald. What I really want to do is snatch her GameBoy Advance and play the old Blue, Red, and Yellow-- those are the Pokemon I remember! Back in the good old days, where there were only 151 freaking Pokemon, not all these new-fangled 'Torchic' and 'Treecko' stuff. Back then, when we found a Mew, we used our Master Ball to catch it, and we didn't complain! We had to walk uphill, both ways, in the SNOW and ICE for FIFTEEN MILES just to get to a new city in our game! And we liked it, dammit!!!
Wow, that was amusing ^-^ I'm feeling kinda silly this evening, which is a LOT better than I was this afternoon. It has not been a fun week. Now I'm going to go play some more Pokemon, watch Hellsing Ultimate, Grey's Anatomy, and Speed Racer, and hopefully write some stuff. Oh, and clean up a little. That's another thing. Ugh... >< Lots to do this weekend! Aah!

This is actually a serious post, for once.

In doing my research on mental health and the history of, as well as researching ADHD for a paper I'm writing for a class, I have inevitably come across some comments about this little disorder that didn't sit well with me. And it came it a point where I had to shoot my mouth off. But I did it responsibly, and I didn't curse or yell or call people stupid (well, directly, at least). I gave them information that I have found in my research and they could take it or leave it. So here for your viewing pleasure is a comment I posted on a blog that had something to say about the supposed 'myth' of ADHD. I'm going to put additional personal comments to the end, though, so if you don't care to hear my emotional raving, just skip this entry.

I'd like to say to the naysayers of ADHD-- it is a real issue, and a serious one at that. Just because it's 'overdiagnosed' doesn't mean a thing-- ever think it might be due to better instruments of testing? As someone who's had ADHD-related issues her whole life, I can tell you that it is a lot worse than you think. Those who don't have mental illnesses or disorders aren't fully capable of understanding what it's like for those who do. Who are you to say that these very real problems are all in our head? As a child, I struggled to do well in school-- I'm bright, but I can't concentrate worth anything. I am easily distracted, making up patterns in my head and often completely losing track of what happens. This continues even today, when I am out of childhood and have what is known as 'Adult ADHD.'
Another myth that I can debunk right now is that parents of children with ADHD use it as an excuse for their child to be lazy and inefficient with their schoolwork. Not so for mine. My mother and father were adamant in not allowing my disorder to interfere with me getting a good education, and it has definitely paid off.
To whomever said that the medication we take for ADHD is dangerous and causes mental deficiencies [one of the commenters on the blog post], would you care to cite those sources where you found that information? I'm a Psychology student, and I have never heard this come up. Yes, methylphenidates (the main drugs found in such medications as Ritalin, Concerta, and Aderol) are in the same family as stimulants, but they affect the ADHD brain differently than they do those without the disorder. ADHD is caused by a chemical imbalance in the prefrontal cortex of the brain-- this is proven by numerous CAT scans of ADHD brains as opposed to those brains without the disorder.
Perhaps it's 'overdiagnosed,' but you must also keep in mind that 1 in 4 cases of ADHD also turns out to be bipolar disorder, which is almost indistinguishable from ADHD in children. As well, ADHD and normal childhood inattention/hyperactivity are distinct from one another in the way it affects the children. To be diagnosed with ADHD, one must be found to have severe problems in social, educational, and home environments to the point where it is incredibly difficult for the person being diagnosed to function normally.
ADHD has always existed; it's only now, when we have the technology to differentiate it from other, 'normal' issues, that we can understand the truth of the matter. I'd recommend reading about how psychological diagnoses are carried out; it might help in the understanding of the whole process. I can tell you from personal experience that it is no fun for the tester or the one being diagnosed, but it's important in order to help people function normally and be able to live productive lives.
So whether or not my words have had any effect on you, I've said what I need to say about my disorder. It's a real issue, one that many people sadly don't understand well enough to pass judgment.

And on a personal note...
As someone who's lived with ADHD, I can tell you that it is hard, very hard, to get through the day without my medication. When I take it, it isn't always apparent, but when I don't take it, or when it wears off, I definitely notice a difference in my ability to concentrate and stay calm and focused. I was always in trouble as a child, and my parents said I was a completely different child when I had my medicine-- different in that I could calm down, stay focused longer, and generally be far more productive than I had before. I was a wild child, to be perfectly blunt, and I had no control over what I did. I was six years old when I was diagnosed, nearly thirteen years ago, and when I recently read my psychological evaluation from that testing, I cried. I honestly and truly cried. I cried for my parents, who had to deal with me; I cried for the psychologist, who'd written that it had been an 'ordeal' for us both to get through the assessment; and I cried for myself, when I read the words that 'Lauren's...greatest fear is that "[she] will never pass the first grade."' I hadn't remembered that for all those years, but when I read that, it all hit me straight in the gut, rushing back to me in a flood of emotions and memories. The report talked of how I seemed impatient, but unusually bright for my age; how the psychologist and my mother both were amazed I had the disorder, since ADHD children aren't usually very good readers (they stopped testing my reading level in second grade). We later figured out that it was what they call 'hyperfocus,' which allows ADHD people to focus with greater intensity on certain activities (which, incidentally, is why Michael Phelps is so damn good at swimming-- seriously).
Some other problems I had were-- and sometimes still do-- depression and isolation. I saw a therapist for a little while in the fifth grade-- 10 years old. I had more behavioral problems cropping up, so much that they gave me what they called a 'point sheet.' They used it for behaviorally-challenged kids at my elementary school, the bad kids, and I had to have one. You would give it to your teacher (or teachers, like PE, music, art, science, and regular), and they gave you so many points for how well you behaved during that class. It was embarassing, and shameful, that I had to do that after every class period. I felt awful about it. Worse yet was that I had no friends in my class-- the one boy who I'd been friends with the year before was in a different class than me. My teacher had to ask some of the girls to be my friends-- ironic, since one of them is now one of my best friends, and my college roommate. It's funny how these things turn out, isn't it? But I didn't know this until years later, and when I found out I felt betrayed, really. Here I'd been thinking that they liked me for who I was, despite of all my problems, and it turned out that they'd been asked to be my friends. Even today, I still wonder if people are my friends because they want to be, or because they feel obligated to be.
I also suffered bouts of depression in seventh and eleventh grade. Both times my grades and my life in general suffered. There was one point in high school where my mother threatened to send me to alternative school if my grades didn't improve. I think that it was a combination of my ADHD-related issues, my teenage emotions, and the overall situations surrounding me at the time that led to these 'deep blue funks,' as my mother calls them. Isolation tends to happen to me more naturally than I'd like it-- I have neurotic periods that tend to freak people out, especially when I'm getting ready to hit my low points.
But the worst part isn't the concentration issues, or the isolation. It's when people act as though ADHD isn't even real. Have they ever dealt with it? Have they ever suffered the way we who have it do? They don't know what it's like, so who are they to judge? It didn't used to affect me as much, because I didn't really get it, but in the past few years I've gotten a little upset, almost angry even, when people make an 'ADD joke.' It's not in good taste to joke about people with cancer, so why would you do that with a mental disorder? And yes, I consider ADHD a mental disorder-- maybe not along the lines of severity of schizophrenia, but a mental disorder nonetheless. I just don't think it's right, or nice, but rather rude and mean-- though this may not always be intentional, to be fair. Rather, I think that it's a 'joke' made out of ignorance and misinformation, which is in dire need of...well, fixing is the best word I can think of right now. People need to be educated on these types of matters.
On the other hand, yes, it is fully possible for someone to be misdiagnosed. Yes, it is true that some parents use it as an excuse for their children. Yes, nothing is ever proven fact in any science-- even a 'social science,' as psychology is considered to be. But really, people? Think about it: in the 19th century, people believed that there were two kinds of mental problems, and they were mania and melancholy. Well, look how wrong they are. Forty years ago, homosexuality was labeled as a mental disorder! Now, scientists have possibly discovered the genetic-- I hesitate to say 'quirk'-- trait that may indicate homosexuality (for gods' sake, people, even freakin' penguins and monkeys can be gay, okay?! ). It just proves how things evolve over time.
In conclusion, and I know I've rambled a lot, know what you're bashing before you do so. Research things, know what you're talking about, and be informed. Try not to hurt people's feelings and all that, mmkay?

That's all I've got. I'll let that simmer for a few days or so before I can collect my thoughts and return to some semblance of normalcy. Later, everyone~

In which Lauren discovers that Anna Nalick was right about one thing

I just need to breathe...things have been hectic lately, and it's all in my mind. How ironic, neh? I long ago learned that I have almost no capacity to deal with stress, and yet I constantly create stress for myself out of...well, I don't even know what. Honestly, I have homework to do, I really ought to go to the library and return those freakin' books and get some new ones, and yet, I feel not at all compelled to do so. How lazy am I?! Maybe I just need a boost of concentration. Oh, ADHD, have you made me such a procrastinator that I can't even tell if it's your fault or mine anymore? Hahaaa, how pathetic.
I don't excuse my behavior by blaming it all on the disorder, though-- it was probably a part of me to begin with, but my little mental issue has most likely enhanced it -__- But there are one or two things I thank it for, one of them being my Hyperfocus Ability (lovely little unexpected perk, there), which gives me +2 to Concentration checks when it's a Favored Skill. (Yeah, nerdy talk. Deal with it.)
Okay, I think I have sufficient motivation to brave the cold and head over to the library. It'll give me something to do, anyways, so why the hell not? I might as well pack up my notebooks and make it an afternoon affair. XD Well, that is, after I get something more substantial to eat and charge up my iPod a little...oh, yeah, and I have to pick up my roommate's trombone...so dammit! Thwarted by outside factors once again! I will go to the library today, though, I swear. I've made my mind up about it. ^^
Damn...I still have homework for Honors to do, and an application for housing next year that I need to turn in...and I probably ought to make an appointment with Dr. Day about resuming counseling sessions... *sigh* So much to do!!!

Addendum: Just remembered that I'm gonna be over at the library tomorrow afternoon, so it'd be stupid to go today...*dumbass*